One of my friends answered the phone one day and her son was on the line, saying he had just seen a murder! Naturally, clarification was in order. Where did this occur? Was the murderer someone the son knew? Was the victim known to him? What? Where? Who?
My friend’s son then told his mother that he had just seen a murder of crows!
It’s nice to experience a clever turn of phrase when one answers the phone, or when one is listening to a speaker or reading a book. And, in the case of a book, when the writer gets hold of character, dialogue, and scene, it’s a glorious conglomeration, it’s a wonderful thing. The author Donald Westlake is one such writer, and I have been amazed with his gift when reading every one of his Dortmunder novels. But we have to be careful to just relax and stay away from “flowery” when writing. Not that Westlake is flowery—his writing, in fact, is as close to perfect as it comes, and his novels are funny and sound like his characters definitely belong there. In the Dortmunder series, his characters are thieves and their language shows this. I laugh at their conversations, and it can be difficult to get a reader to laugh at one’s story. Westlake seems to do this effortlessly.
I’m reading Jean Shepherd right now, you know, the author of IN GOD WE TRUST: ALL OTHERS PAY CASH? The Christmas Story film was based on a part of that novel. Exceptional writing, and, again, satisfying in its humor.
But we were discussing flowery language, which neither of the aforementioned authors uses unless it works for a character. So, for a newer writer, is it better to say “green” or “viridescent”? It depends on what you’re writing about and where you’re writing—your setting. And don’t forget your character. In your novel, your character is a college professor or a non-traditionally educated garbageman and a consummate reader. Viridescent in the first case is naturally a word which a professor might use to mean “green.” Especially if she is an English professor. And viridescent is the word the garbageman uses because he is a constant reader and knows the word. He may just use the word because it’s different, or because he wants people to know he is educated enough as a reader to know it, or maybe he’s studying how an art dealer might word such a phrase. It is important to him because he wishes to purloin a genuine Vermeer from a museum and wants to impress the curator so she won’t suspect him ahead of time. Hey! Don’t judge him, he’d have to haul a lot of garbage to get as much money as he can get (on the black market) with an original Vermeer! But you, who is not trying to impress or purloin, you might not want to write viridescent on your FaceBook wall, typing that you purchased a “viridescent shirt”. No, you are writing casually. Your setting! You might want to stick with green, lime green, kelly green, jade green, bright green, aqua on your FaceBook wall…you get the point. But when writing your poem or your novel, you might want to use the word “viridescent”. It will depend on a number of facets.
“He watched in utter fascination as her platinum hair fanned out over the shoulders of her viridescent satin gown, her delicate feet prancing to the rhythm of the orchestra.” It’s a magical moment for both of them, so a magical word like viridescent is completely in order, especially if you mentioned her green gown earlier in your novel. That way most of your readers won’t be interrupted from the world you have created in order to go look up the word viridescent.
And, if you use a thesaurus, remember that there are all sort of words written under the heading for which you’re searching. For instance, if you want synonyms for “disturb”, you cannot choose any old word from a thesaurus to replace “disturb”. If your lovers don’t wish to be “disturbed”, you cannot replace that word with “rearrange”, or “muddle”. These are lovers and they don’t want to be “troubled” with day to day issues that can wait till later. If your burgler “disturbs” a table of nicknacks while breaking into a house through a window, he has “disorganized” those items or he has “made a mess” of them, he has not “muddled” them. And if your character is “disturbed” does that mean that she is mentally ill? Or maybe she is annoyed. Maybe she is confused by someone’s irrational behavior. So take care to use the right word for your characters’ situations.
In my editing work, I see aspiring writers use more elaborate language, when simpler language would be better. They write “consume an orange” when “eat an orange” might be just fine. Professional authors who have been around the block with critiques of their work don’t do this very much, if at all. So, I thought I would mention this for your own benefit (not for your perquisite, not for your utility, but for your edification, for your profit, for your gain).

By Jean Akin
photo provided by Unsplash.com